Narcissism and Codependency : The love addiction

What an eye opener!

Dr Nicholas Jenner

Among my patient group (and circle of friends), there are people who continually allow others to take advantage of them, continue to give and stay in very toxic relationships. They attempt to make themselves indispensable for their partners (and everyone else) and become the local and family martyr. They are the codependents who keep on giving. It is also very often the case that these people are either in or have been in a relationship with someone who has narcissist tendencies. In fact there are studies that suggest that they might even seek out such types.

There is a dance in codependency that involves the intimate relationship between codependents and narcissistic types. Codependents lack a healthy relationship with self. They are prone to put others first before their own needs. This is unhealthy.

Narcissists also have an unhealthy relationship with self. They put themselves above all else. They use others…

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“So Why Don’t You Just..?” – Said The Ignorant To The Broken

from maybe to almost

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This often feels like the most offensive question I’ve ever been asked and the most offensive part of the question is that it’s socially inappropriate for me to be offended, for me to be anything other than grateful for their well-meaning but ultimately useless and often condescending advice.

“Why don’t you just get up and do something fun?”

“Why don’t you just go do something productive?”

“Why don’t you just stop being depressed?”

Yeah, why don’t I? It’s so simple, why didn’t I think of that? Oh wait, that’s right, because it doesn’t work like that.

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Moving from Illness to Wellness

Mindful Moments

In this week’s blog I thought I would look more holistically at wellbeing and see how Mindfulness is a core component of keeping us mentally well.

In 2008 the UK Foresight Challenge Report aimed to enhance the understanding of how to achieve the best possible mental health and wellbeing for people living throughout the United Kingdom.  It commissioned the Centre for Wellbeing at the new economics foundation (nef) to develop a set of evidence-based actions to improve personal wellbeing.

According to nef the concept of wellbeing comprises two main elements: feeling good and functioning well.

A positive experience in life is reflected through feelings of happiness, contentment, enjoyment, curiosity and engagement.

Unfortunately, it is estimated that only 14% of people in the UK have a high level of wellbeing – often referred to as “flourishing”.  The equivalent number, 14%, have low wellbeing (not including those with a diagnose mental disorder)…

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Thursdays taste of bacon, also borderline personality disorder and me.

somethinksthingsandothers

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Hey. That’s me!

Labels are awful. Clothing labels itch. Sticky labels, well they leave sticky residue…and personality labels? They’re generally negative, and rarely accurate. My label? The moody one as a child. The married one as an adult. Or the….diagnosed one.

My names Beth and I have borderline personality disorder.

That’s a label I don’t like. And for the longest of times was ashamed of. But now? Its a label I own, and accept.

B.P.D is a crippling, horrendous illness. It’s an insidious disease that skews everything. It makes me irrational and paranoid. It leaves me with such a fear of my husband and children leaving, or being taken from me , it wakes me up at night. It convinces me everyone hates me. It exhausts me so staying awake takes all my energy, whilst at the same time some nights I can’t sleep because of the cacophony of noise…

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Compassion is a Verb 

Paging Mrs Zen

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Compassion isn’t something you have, it’s something you do. It’s a practice that enables you to shift your perceptive to see and experience life in a very different way than most of us are accustomed to. If you are able to view life from a compassionate place within, then you detach from your ego and its need to always be right. The ego dissolves and you work from your heart instead.  In doing this, you become more emotionally mature and you are free from yourself and your need to be validated. This in turn helps free you from suffering.

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What’s so bad about calling someone “psycho”?

hear here!

Between the Borderlines

I try to always make people aware that they shouldn’t use words like “psycho” and they often ask me why it’s wrong. They’re just words, how much harm can they do? They don’t mean them in a way that’s offensive to those who have mental health conditions. “Sticks and stones”, and all that.

The truth is that yes, they’re just words, but words can do a lot of harm that goes further than individuals being offended (although that is totally valid). Misconceptions and misuse of terms like “psycho” are some of the biggest contributors to stigma, which leads to people being denied jobs, education, healthcare, housing and causes social problems that can have a massive impact on someone’s quality of life. According to Time to Change, over a third of the UK population think that people who have mental health issues are dangerous. In reality, very few of us…

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