Brace Yourselves…. Here it Comes!

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Isn’t it cute how ever since I promised to be more transparent, I have been avoiding my blog like the plague? This has happened for a few reasons. Mainly, because denial is a soft, warm and fuzzy place I prefer to stay cocooned in.

But it isn’t a place of healing, and healing is my mission, so here I am, preparing to unpack.

For now I am not going to dive too deeply into my mental health struggles and epiphanies, I’ll get to those in a later post, right now my focus is on my body and my decision to gain weight.

I mentioned before I would be posting my ‘before’ pics. The reason I made this decision was to hold myself accountable. I keep making “putting on weight” my goal, but for the last 2 years I have only broken the 53kg barrier once, and that was just for a few days. I’m no longer at 48kgs, at which point even I had to admit I looked so skeletal it was very scary, but at 50.5 I am cutting it mighty fine. Clearly, I’m not really making progress, and deep down, I know why.

Goals need to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Based.) in order to see any results.

So I need more than an idea, I need an action plan.

  • Specific and Measurable: I need to be at a healthy weight for my BMI, with some fat as well as muscle on my bones. As scary as 60kg sounds to me, for my height this is allegedly healthy.
  • Achievable and Relevant: I suffer with endometriosis and the IBS that comes along with it, meaning there are a lot of foods I can’t eat. I can’t just pig out and cause other problems, I need to be sensible. I need to also structure my day so that I remember to eat, or make eating a priority. This won’t happen on its own, in order for this goal to be achievable I have to become conscious of what I eat and when.
  • Time-Based: I need to set goal-post deadlines and hold myself accountable for them.

That’s pretty much why I decided to blog my process; to hold myself accountable. It’s also the reason I put blogging this off all week. I took some before photos, and looking at them and thought “I don’t look anorexic here, I am overreacting. People are going to say I am looking for attention. Maybe I am looking for attention. There’s nothing wrong with me, I should keep quiet and let the people who have real problems get help, and not bother people with my imaginary problems.”

Thankfully I shared this viewpoint with my mum, who set me straight very quickly…; these are clearly the words of denial. I will most likely continue to see-saw over this issue, and I’ll have to accept I’m not the best person to judge my situation right now because I don’t have objectivity. I also need to remember I am not doing this for anybody else.

That being said, I am at the start of my journey, and here are my before pics. Maybe one day I will look at them and see what everybody else sees.

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If you have any weight gain diet / workout tips for me, or words of encouragement, please leave them in the comments, I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts. If you have any questions for me about anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask!

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16 thoughts on “Brace Yourselves…. Here it Comes!

  1. Hey! Just read this (a few months late, oops!), and I can totally relate. I’ve been small my entire life, incredibly underweight, and skeletal looking. My body has paid so badly for it, but in the last 8 years(?) I have very slowly gained 5kgs, which didn’t really make much difference, as I was still growing during that time. I’ve just turned 21, and at 165cms and 43kgs, I’m hoping to reach my goal of 50kgs asap! Definitely following you, I need to see how you go! We can be in this together πŸ™‚

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    1. That’s excellent progress Sarah, well done! I know 5kg doesn’t sound like much to most people but I know from experience how hard it is to take those baby steps toward being healthy & feeling well. I’m looking forward to seeing you hit your goal! Thank you so for your feedback x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is interesting how many people have problems to gain weight although they are not willingly on a low weight. My son’s girlfriend almost died because she could barely eat anymore for years. I posted about it twice. It was an inner decision she made herself which brought her back to life and which even changed how her body reacted! She is 20 and shares her story all over the world for helping and encouraging others. In December she talked on TedX. I will post about it as soon as it is published. If you are interested, here are the links to my post and you can also get in touch with Chiara.
    https://erikakind.me/2016/08/22/the-healing-power-within/
    https://erikakind.me/2017/09/25/choices-2/
    https://erikakind.me/2017/12/10/chiara-on-tedx/
    Much love and blessings to you, Samilz πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Not only well written, also very brave- well done. I have also always struggled to pick up weight, mostly because of a genetically inherited fast metabolism which I am grateful for.. The only thing that could ever make me pick up weight was bread, I have always loved it, and my Italian blood gives me a bias towards it.. However I think you should be more circumspect with your food choices. I had an an ex girlfriend that was bulimic, and she ended up going heavily into gym, which meant she was slim, but in a healthy way. The good thing there is your BMI can be right, and your body looking the way you’re comfortable, but its through healthy means, not from depriving yourself of eating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks very much for the positive feedback :).
      While bread definitely helps me gain, gluten is something I have to avoid (due to my endometriosis). I also have an incredible high metabolism and I am extremely hyperactive, so I burn calories like crazy just being awake. I have more or less stopped gymming now, which is the only reason I have managed to keep my weight above 50kg. I miss it! Health is definitely the ultimate goal (BMI is just a guideline, after all), so ultimately if I stay the same mass but show a lil bit of muscle instead of ribs, then I think that will be quite an improvement, health-wise.

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      1. I can sympathise, I recently figured out I’m gluten intolerant too, sounds like the gym route is the way to go, but no cardio, or very little.. If you want I can put you in contact with a FB friend of mine who is very into gymming and as those types of people are, also very knowledgeable on nutrition, not trying to sell you a food supplement at the same time that u dont need.. It doesnt mean you going to look like a man- women that go heavily into it, give years of hectic dedication to build big muscles, you dont have to go that far… just enough to pick up healthy weight..

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Welcome to the gluten intolerance club, we have badges! Absolutely, yes please; I’d love some advice from those in the trenches :p Not trying to look too masculine at all; I have a bit of a complex about my perceived lack of femininity.

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